the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
