Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
