He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
