i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
