Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
