they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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