Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
