i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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