i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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