i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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