eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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