If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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