i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You are the jesus of drinking
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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