Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
