The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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