I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
