We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
