he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
