so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
That reminds me...we need to get swords
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
