I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
