Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
