If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
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