I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i may or may not be watching the land before time
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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