So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
