I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Operation Purity has been aborted
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
