I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
