Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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