We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
