Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
is that a dick in a sweater?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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