i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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