I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
