I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
