yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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