I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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