Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
