I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
