this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
