Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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