found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I love having hate sex.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
