I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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