You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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