And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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