dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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