So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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