a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
