mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
