"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
