Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
