could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
