my soul wont recognize me after tonight
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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