i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
