There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
