I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
