Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
