i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
