I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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